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self encouragement.
9:44 PM
Tuesday, October 20, 2009 EMO TALKING, DON'T REALLY HAVE TO READ. I just got back my history of fashion test paper, 10/20. bad. Pattern Making E grade, thank goodness he's giving us another change to up our grades by one grade. D - It's a pass. i-don't-want-to-re-take-the-module, but i want to go for the extra classes for E graders, cause it'll be beneficial for me. I don't really understand his class. his class should be in the afternoon, it's super boring, every time i try to focus, i feel like sleeping. all he does is draw out the pattern and talk and talk and talk, of cause my brain would be shut off la. I got an average for my research methodology, it was graded with either good, average or poor. my biggest dream in life, to be a famous fashion designer. it feels like i've just taken a step backwards, my grades are crappy, how am I suppose to get a scholarship so that i don't have to pay for my university course (cause my mummy will definitely not pay for my school fees cause she aint got the cash). don't just tell me to jia you, all talks doesn't give me the encouragement to do better. self encouragement, that's what keeps me going on and on. somehow I still feel like it's the end of the road for me, but i would always tell myself not to give up, sigh, just feel like crying *emo-ing* but I'll be okay, WORK HARD! I feel stupid, literally, I've put in much effort in certain things, but somehow, I don't get the results I want, but when you see others doing so much better, i can't help but to feel stupid, i can't help but to feel all soaked up inside, i mean they seem to have put in effort too, but I've worked really hard just to pull my marks up, they get good results but I'm stuck with some crappy one. Life is UNFAIR, i do not question why, and i never did because I believe in Him, and I always did. I had tons of bad results, but I always trusted him. but, human instinct always got me wondering why ? and I'll just give myself a small laugh and think to myself "O you of little faith" When you don't see His hand, Trust His Heart. And i suddenly know why it's awfully quiet between Him and I for quite some time, before i knew the reason, I thought that He had abandon me, yeah I'm wrong. I-AM-STILL UNHAPPY. time heals, i guess. my problem lies in my memory, bad memory, can it be fixed ? idk. TODAY. Pattern making class - boring, need to redo his project in order to get a D grade (which is a pass). history of fashion, my brain was totally shut down. (tooooo dry..... I always feel like sleeping during her class, at least CHL class i feel sleepy but not to the extend that i want to close my eyes, yes history of fashion makes me feel this way. she's just reading from the elearning site. haha, and when I leave her class, i feel awake). GOT BACK MY TEST, when she called out for me to get my paper, she looked at me and said, is this the kind of marks you want to get ? i shook my head and said no, at that point of time i was asking myself did i pass it ? what's the passing mark ar ? okay i passed 10/20, still it's a really bad mark. she's a really strict teacher, but it's all for our own good. CHL Class, i was thinking of skipping it, but i forced myself to stay for it, attendance. all the sudden a student for another class said there is no class, class is postpone to next week. and everyone CHEERED! haha, to me, this calls for a song... JOY TO THE WORLD THE ANGELS SING!. hahahha, happiness, get to escape this 2hours boring class, seriously, 2hours - draw one front and one back technical flat drawing of A garment, and at the end of the class he would say, hand it up tomorrow, the garment can be found in the elearning. -.- this school is somehow screwed up. I sometimes wonder to myself if i had come to the right school. HAHA. well, maybe it does help, just that i'm super blind to see it. I'm in the mode to study hard and do well, no more animes. JIA YOU! tomorrow will be a super long day, 40 garments..... I got some inspirational pictures, shall post it up (: my theme is papilionidae btw, also known as the swallowtail butterfly. from: spring 2007 couture Christian Dior.                      ohyes, i just remembered im pissed off at someone cause naz somehow reminded me, i don't wanna talk about, so please don't ask me. i will tell you if i want too. life is indeed unfair, but i will endure like how i did for the pass few years. im trying to forgive and forget though, pretty tough, need some time. speaking of being pissed off. the taxi uncle today sibei piss me off. I got into a cab, told the uncle i wanna go to bencoolen street, where NAFA is. then he asked me how i want to go, i told him anything cause im not too sure myself. then he asked me where, i told him near rendezvous hotel, near a kopitiam. he asked me is the kopitiam was 24hours, i said yes, thinking that he should know the place. later he asked me if there is a taxi stand there, i think, and told him "i think so". then he said what no taxi stand i cannot stop later saman then ask me again if got taxi stand, again i told him i think so with less doubt in my voice, then he repeated again, no taxi stand i cannot stop later saman. then he keep saying i cannot stop cause there is no taxi stand, and i said yes there is. he then say what cannot stop cause no taxi stand, i got pissed off and gave him the pissed off tone that i tried hide but i couldn't and said yes firmly. irritating. he said okay and continued saying if there's no taxi stand i cannot stop later get saman. i got so pissed off i shut up and listen to my radio. ignoring him. we reached bugis area, then he made a turn in, he asked me if i wanna go left or right, i was like, dude it's only one direction, what left or right. then i looked around i gave an unsure reply saying im not too sure, then he was like, how can you not be sure, just say right or left, no other direction. wth right ? then i just say right. saw my school and said it's around this area, then he said, no taxi stand cannot drop. calmly i said "there's a taxi stand infront" and that was the taxi stand i talked about in the very beginning. i had to wait for the car and buses to go before i can open the door and make a dash for it. the uncle was like, bus ar, car ar... and i was holding on to the door handle, he sounded as if he's more worried for the car door than my safety. i paid $15, peek hours. crazy, i should have taken a bus. if it won't for my fabric i left in class yesterday, even if i took a bus, i would have made it on time cause the teacher was late. that's life. (: words spilled @ 9:44 PM /
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