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a heavy heart
8:04 PM
Monday, March 1, 2010 i feel sad for myself. i've been feeling rather down lately. I don't know why, just feeling moody. plus my menses came. ): maybe that's the reason why i'm feeling moody ? i'm less crazy, cause I'M MOODY. ): seriously, why must we girl have menstruation, why can't the guys be the one having it, and they be the one giving birth too. see, guys have just a private part, girls have breast plus the private part plus menses, why can't boys have it, then it'll be equal, geddit ? if you don't then you're dumb, i'm just kidding. (: hehe. when i go to heaven, which i will (lol), i'll ask God that. see seahorses, it's the dad who carries the egg. yah yah i know the eggs are passed from the female seahorse. NO, MALE SEAHORSE DO NOT GIVE BIRTH. i-am-not-a-bimbo. so why can't female pass the fertilized egg to the male, i don't know how is that going to happen but okay let me have my wild imagination to do that job... maybe we'll pee and the men has to drink it ? LOL, that's gross. how about, a sexual intercourse when the girl's egg has been fertilized, so you get me, the man's private part serves two functions. HAHA, ohmygod, i don't think i can go any deeper, i'm pretty sure Alex's mind is no better than mine. OKAY, see what i mean by i'm moody, i'm complaining over stupid things, i feel irritated REALLY EASILY, to certain people, but good to know that i have a really high tolerance, i don't remember when was the last time i actually threw my temper, like really bad. hehe, i'm curious as to what i'll do when i'm fuming mad. YES THAT WAS HOW LONG I LAST THREW A VERY BAD TEMPER. apparently i can tolerate ALOT. (: be glad. HAHA, anw, if you wanna know why i use seahorse above, it's because i went to Manhattan's Fish Market for lunch just now, and there was a video on seahorse. YES TODAY I WOKE UP AT 730AM, i reached school at 9.10AM thinking i was late, class actually starts at 10AM! OHMYGOD, i didn't know, some of my classmates didn't know as well, whose fault ? OURS LA, why ? because half of the class knew. HEHE, i don't remember him mention a change of timing okay, AND I DID PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS, hehe. haha my friends who reached at 9AM asked me "valerie, you're very early" i was like "early ? i thought i'm late, class starts at 9AM right ?" okay la, nvm. you know, i did mention it. i've been having dreams of him every night, well i don't see him in my dreams, but people would talk about him to me. yah, i shall post my dreams, i dreamt shi hui telling me nigel has a girlfriend. (: i didn't cry in my dreams, i'm just shock, because i remember what he told me. and shihui said, "valerie, he is just lying to you" i didn't feel heartbroken, just pretty shock after shock, my heart feels heavy, but i can't do anything about it because he is not mine anymore. then my alarm rang, thank God for that, i don't want it to continue. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, except for ONE night i've been having dreams of him. COME ON, I WANT TO EFFING LET GO, WHY AM I STILL HAVING DREAMS OF HIM! it's painful enough, still mother effing want to have dreams of him, you know what effing painful it feels when i wake up. no i've never thought of "i wish never to wake up so that i can stay by you forever" that is just plain stupid. wait some dreams were sweet, which makes my morning worse, some were pretty bad, which made me feel half heavy as sweet dreams. yes i am scolding myself. my days have been rather dull, no matter what i do, there's still a heavy heart. i just feel like ripping my emotions apart. I TRIED NOT TO CARE, I LOVE BEING HAPPY, WHERE'S THE HAPPY SIDE OF ME, PLEASE COME BACK. LIFE MUST GO ON, AND I MISS YOU BEING PART OF ME. yes, i wish to buy a dream catcher, i hope it works. i really cannot take it, it really hard to please my emotions, everything that makes me happy, doesn't work. I BOUGHT A PAIR OF NIKE LUNAR GLIDE, IN FREAKING RED! :D happy for that SHORT moment. i mothereffing hate this feeling, i want it to GO AWAY. ): okay, shall ppost some pictures... so that you won't feel so sian okay. HEHE.                 YES I CAN'T STAND MY FAIR-NESS, i prefer black to white. LOL, i'm not being racist. and don't make up some shit saying because i like naz or something like that. ((: and NO I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO NAZ CAUSE HE HAS HIS POLY FRIENDS! BEST FRIENDS MY ASS. LOL, yes i'm moody. words spilled @ 8:04 PM /
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