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Dear God, please take half of my life.
10:31 AM
Sunday, January 23, 2011           I've been sleeping early, like 9, 10pm, waking up at 7 - 7.30am everyday, and during mid day i'll feel tired. WHY. i mean i have enough sleep! about 7-8 hours a day, (9pm - 10pm i'll be rolling on my bed until 11pm, 12) this sucks. sometimes i'll even take afternoon naps. waste of my time. i need to focus and do my work. for today, i need to do my trend research, mind map and pasting my research in my sketchbook (but i'm so lazy) and also im meeting alex later. his chalet. he's alone, my poor baby. aww. hahaha! BFF since secondary 1! omg, we clicked instantly, love him to the max. he has been busy with work, therefore we couldn't meet that often, ohgod how i miss those time where we hang out till late doing/talking bullshits. even though i'm 20, im sorry if i don't act like one. and my memory is failing me, i keep forgetting my age. HAHHAHAH, sometimes i'll think that i'm 18, other times i REALLY forget. and often i'll turn to Leah and ask her "what's my age ah?" HAHAH, she wanted to slap my face. AND WAH PIANG, WAH LAO AND WAH LAN EH, i tell you ah, this year, the year 1 projects all fucking easy, i damn dulan, the school took out the major projects in every module? because im taking 3 year one modules, and each module has like 2-3 projects? and the school took out one project for each module and lessen the workload, and that one project is the one which requires alot of work. WHAT THE FUCK, okay let me say that again but with more emotion WHAT THE FUCK, KAN NI NA BEI CHAO CHEE BYE!!!! LOL, uh so vulgar, vulgar girl, heheheh but i cut down alot already hor, now i only say Fuck! im sucha engluish womaen. lol say it with a weird slang, e-glu-ish wo-ma-en. i can be your engluish teacher! and immma very the broke LOH. omg. all my money went into buying of fabrics and other materials. ): sobsob. this weeeeeek nothing much happened. except me talking alot of bullshits, and doing alot of weird stuff. too much sugar. been stuffing candies into my mouth like almost all the time. OHNO, and i gained 0.5kg, WTF. im suppose to lose 3kg, now i have to lose 3.5kg. ohgod, it's so hard to lose weight, and it's not like i don't exercise. man lose weight so God damn easily. i mean look at my bro, he lost 5kg, 5!!!! that is like 1.5 times? more that what i want to lose. NOOOOOOOOOO, this is so unfair and i run more than him, NOOOOOOOOOO. God just throw your thunderbolt at my fats and zap it away. HAHA. shoot multiple ones at different areas.. teehee. oh i finally went jogging, after like one month? of not jogging. uh and lemme tell you what happen. i was jogging happily, okay cancel the happily out, then a fucking tree vine was sticking out and i didn't see it, hits onto my face and scratch me. ouch. and it hurts. it really does, now i have a red line across my face. )): and it's visible. ))):::: ---> alien eyes, FREAK OUT! lol. Dear God, i pray that my popo will get well. she's been having health problems. please heal her. or please take half of my life and give it to her. when i was younger my parents would bring my brothers and I to my popo's place for lunch every weekend, but as we grew older, we stopped visiting her, the only time we see her was during Chinese new year. from the way she acted, we knew she loves us very much. and i do too. even though i do not see her that often, i still do love her very much. when i heard that she was admitted to the hospital (she has been in and out of the hospital) because of irregular heartbeat. i went to my room and started praying. i cried that night. i guess im selfish huh? i only pray when i'm feeling heartbroken, i only pray when i needed something. But i have never once forgotten my dear Father up in heaven, i have never forgotten all the blessings He had given me. and i've been so selfish. i've stopped going to church, but does not mean i don't love Him. yet everything i've asked of Him, He'll answer me. Our Father who loves us no matter what. therefore i prayed and asked Him, please to take half of my life and give it to my popo, i feel that i have not spent much time with her. and it's not too late. i just wish for her to get well soon. God, you should stop blessing me and bless those who really needs it. Bless those people whom are very dear to me. and my family, esp my mother. please give her strength, because whatever hardship im going to face, i can deal it , please show Your grace and mercy to my family and friends. Father i thank you for all the blessings that are to come. I thank you for everything you have done for me. and i'm truly sorry. xoxo, Yours Forever Faithful Servant, Valerie. P.S i do hope people who read it, keep my grandma in your prayers. please and thank you. oh and btw, even though sometimes i may feel irritated by my grandmother (not my popo, my ahma) it doesn't mean i wish her to die early. i think people have been mistakenly thinking that i wish for her to pass away soon. that's not true. although i may complain about her alot, i still love her. she is after all my family. just a few days ago, i reflected on my behavior towards my grandmother, and realised i've been rather rude to her, right now, everytime i feel angry towards her, i'll tell myself to cool down and treat her nicely, she's 87. weak and fragile. and im the only one who is mostly at home, therefore i should be taking care of her. although she nags alot, but she loves us alot too. she sewed blankets for her children and grandchildren. sometimes we tend to only see the bad points of people and often feel irritated by them, and in turn we fail to see the one thing that is important, that is the love they showed towards us. we will never see that until we lost it. im pretty glad im able to see that before you know. so im using whatever time i have to be a good grand daughter. HAHA omg im making myself sound like a goooooood person, cannot take it sia.... when the fact is im not! SOB. zzzzz. words spilled @ 10:31 AM /
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