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taking the blame.
8:45 PM
Monday, May 23, 2011        i don't know why but i'm always taking the blame of someone else's mistake. but it's aint those really major mistakes. so i just tolerate loh. just don't like them nagging at me at the same thing over and over, when i purely forgot, you don't have to nag at me what i need to do, because i know, it's just that i merely forgot about it at that moment. i'm a human, not a robot. don't get mad at my small mistake, it's not as though i made you lose millions of dollars, or your stupid waygu beef. think i spelt that correctly, it's some expensive beef. unlike you, i do not hold grudges, i do not make small matters look as though it's a really big problem. i'm not like that i simply, let it go. but it kills my mood for awhile. NEVER MIND, candies/ice cream are valerie's best friend. sometimes. LOL. well work has been ehhh, how should i put it, well it's not my thing i guess. yamagawa, my manager isn't around, his in japan, coming back on the 20 plus? don't come back better ah!!! hahahah, wait don't come back i no money take, knn. which reminds me, well i kinda don't wanna live that long, like until 50 years old? live so long for what? BUT, if im not mistaken, if i die before i can get my CPF money, the money goes to the government ? NOOOOOOO. it's my money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i bo bian must live till i'm 65, take my money first then die. HHHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHHA. well i'm really giving my best in both work areas, yes they say im a fast learner, i take initiative in doing things without being told, yes i'm reliable. they can even tell the others to be like me (so bhb) and yet they still want more out of me. what more do you want? tell me? i'm giving you my 100% you expect me to give 200%, you think i some magician? do so magic to surprise you? you're asking too much of me, which makes me hate what i'm doing. and in turn i don't wanna give my best. stop asking and you'll see the best of me. sorry i'm not a perfect human. neither am i a robot. i can be the best among the best or i can be the worst you've ever seen, it all depends how you treat me. you can have your expectation, but if you're grooming me to be like you? sorry that ain't happening. i don't like it when someone makes a mistake, you have to ask me to come over to listen to your nagging to them. did i make that mistake? i didn't, am i doing a good job? yes i am, because i don't make alot of mistakes. it benefits me? no? it kills my mood. because i don't like people nagging at me. today the most nagging, i was like for 10mins, she made it sound as though i was late for 1hour. and i knew she wasn't happy. as compared to the first few days, my performance is getting from bad to worse, because i totally dislike my internship. and i forgot to let one of the part timer know that i haven't keyed it in yet. so the data when she printed the hard copy had some errors. and nagged at me saying i should update before sms-ing the customer to collect. it was so busy, everyone was using the mac, it's only natural for humans to forget about it until some time later. again, i didn not make you lose millions of dollars or rich customer or spoil the garment. if i didn't update JUST TELL ME AND I'LL UPDATE IT. it's only fucking updating! if it's not updated then just update it, just tell me i didn't do it. why must you tell me off? wtf? i know it's my wrong for not updating. and i even made sure all of today's record was keyed in. -.- still not satisfied? go hire superman. and garment folding, you think can just fold nicely is enough? NO, got technique one, you have to fold a certain way. i literally rolled my eye. place inside the bag, also got placement one. so what if looks nice? if you pull it out and it's not stacked properly, it's not considered as a good job. and i made sure every garment was folded nicely into the bag, whatever needs to steam, steam it. now you think i'm a good worker right? no im not. she skype saying she told me and the other part timer she already told me and her to process the clothes. you know how mad i was? I DID EVERYTHING, I CHECKED YOUR BLOODY SYSTEM, I STEAMED THE BLOODY GARMENTS, I FOLDED EVERYTHING NEAT AND NICELY, you got bloody hell so many camera's around your shops for what fuck? display ah? you want me help you decorate it? FUCK YOU. and i had to take out the garment and fold it AGAIN. and she said black garment don't iron direct, might leave don't know what lah. KNN. i steam the black pants on the ironing board, the iron base wasn't even touching the damn fucking garment. isn't the same as you hang it against the wall and steam it? ISN'T IT? im just putting on the board because the iron is heavy! and i have to lift it above my head. seriously? still ask me to work as part time after my internship? i thought im not good enough why are you asking me? i will just say no. im honest and straight forward, if she asked me why? i'll just say, i don't want to be pressured by your expectations. i'm new i make mistakes, don't make it sound as though the mistakes are damn fucking serious. stop asking more out of my best. i keep your shop clean at all times, i smile at customer, i pin customer's garment, i ask for work when i have nothing to do, i handle customer's quries, i check finished garments, although at times i may reach late, it's not as though it's the peak hour, can't you just close one eye? because when im late i make sure i will make up for that number of mins im late. i steam the garments before putting it in the bag. i make sure all loose thread are trimmed off even though it's not that area to alter. what more do you want? i'm already doing everything im suppose to do. what more? you're asking so much until i don't feel like giving my best in what i do. so fuck it, after 8weeks. bye. no more. i'm not gonna work there in future anyway. people always expecting more and more out of others. when will they realise it's more than enough. well i guess it's more for bosses? stop pushing people to give beyond their ultra best, because it will make them feel the displeasure and pressure from you. i'll no longer keep my silence when you push too hard. aiyah, go like i say hire superman, batman, ultraman, teletubbies! hahahahahahahhaha. oh and she asked me and ade to read some shitty thing about their shop. like closing, what to do in the shop, and opening. EVERYTHING I KNOW ALREADY. i feel like crushing the paper and throwing it in her face and tell you I KNOW, you don't believe? TEST ME. when she gave me that paper i was so fed up, so that's how you see of me? why don't you read through and tick what i've been doing for the past two weeks without being told by you? of cause opening and closing it's not my business. i did and do everything. and still can ask me to read through it? seriously. i don't like it. i don't like her not seeing all the effort and initiative i put in what i do. and when i don't, sorry i don't think i should continue. people like you who sort perfection are stupid. you think highly of yourself you never put yourself in others shoes, everything has to be your way in what you call "perfection". it's just bullshit. after 8 weeks? don't expect me to come back. im sure there are places who love people like me. bye. chu~ somehow it just makes me so angry and also makes me feel that im not good enough when i already am good enough. just want to cry it out. i won't question life. words spilled @ 8:45 PM /
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